What is true empathy?

For many of us it’s of highest importance to be heard/understood, to have (at least parts of) a society that truly listens. This point is deeply connected to the question what empathy really means in my opinion and here is why I think that/where I see the connection.

First question here is what understood here means: more being emotionally understood, or also intellectually understood, like someone responding to the deeper meaning behind your given words? Symbolism behind our words give even more connection and also connection to the real person behind the words I would say as our society encourages to create more and more masks to retain stable.

Now some people follow exactly that and play empathic just to escape the current disharmony in the room but stop there. They don‘t reflect if they really reached the real person. Real empathy just begins there. A green flag of question after this reflection could be: Did the person really catch my transfered feeling? Even if it wouldn’t be emotional more logical, the core point here is the will to reflect and think again about how the real person reacted to you - at “best”, until you do know that you can‘t feel secure (of course not 100% sure, that would mostly lead to endless overthinking).

Speak and deal with the values of the other (real) person, place your intentions appropriate - emotional or logical, also depending on what the person needs at that moment! - at them, then true bonds for you both will arise.